In Tokyo: They are heavily dependent on me

Chapter 113. Hoshino-kun, you absolutely cannot stop here.

I walked on the railway tracks after the rain.

Due to the rainfall, the surrounding air was filled with the distinctive scent of damp earth evaporating from the soil.

I walked on the track with my feet aligned like a cat, imagining myself as a tightrope walker, stretching out my arms to maintain my balance and avoid falling from a great height.

Just then, my right foot slipped and I stepped on a pebble, making a scraping sound.

If it were a tightrope walker, there would probably be no way to undo what happened, right?

After comforting myself with the thought that "I still have one more chance," I continued to repeat my ridiculous performance.

In summary, there were reasons that prompted me to do such a childish thing.

I am very happy.

The feeling of liking someone is different from the feeling of seeing a character you like in a novel finally muster the courage to confess their feelings, or eating a meal that your mother has made for you. I am quite certain that even if all of those things actually happened, the joy they would bring would only be one-tenth of what is happening now.

I am walking with Hoshino-kun right now.

They were just walking together.

He was just a few centimeters behind me. Apart from the chorus of insects and frogs, I could hear the sound of his footsteps on the stones with absolute clarity. I could truly feel his presence.

Actually, when I sent him the message, there were more uncertainties than certainties.

Hoshino-kun must be feeling guilty towards me and can't fall asleep yet, right?

I can truly understand that feeling.

Because I disturbed Hoshino's life, I felt guilty and couldn't fall asleep as easily as Kobayashi.

In some ways, Hoshino is the same type of person as me.

I know this, so when I can't sleep because of guilt, I start to think without any basis: at this moment, does Hoshino, who is only a wall away from me, have the same thoughts as me?

The answer is correct.

When I saw the "read" notification after sending the message, I was trembling all over.

Even though I knew perfectly well that neither of us was asleep, I still tiptoed downstairs as if afraid of waking the other.

To others, I looked like I was doing something wrong.

I don't know why I suddenly wanted to spend time alone with Hoshino-kun.

Perhaps it was because he was constantly on my mind after I had insomnia, and I felt that it was better to make things clear than to suffer like this. Or perhaps it was for some other reason. In any case, I simply didn't have time to think about it.

I spent ten minutes hiding in the bathroom to get ready and put on my contact lenses. Because the room wasn't well soundproofed, I tried to keep the noise as low as possible when I went to the toilet. After I finished all that, I went downstairs to wait.

Hoshino appeared even faster than I expected.

I thought he would struggle with these issues and hesitate, but the speed from receiving the information to his appearance was so fast that I didn't even feel the passage of time.

Am I too slow to realize things? Is that why things have turned out this way?

I am not sure.

The only thing I was sure of was that the moment I saw him, I felt like my whole body was going to break. Just looking into his eyes had exhausted all the courage in my body. I didn't dare to speak to him. Hoshino-kun also looked down at the ground in shame. All I could do was tilt my head up slightly and try to remember his features.

"You really weren't asleep, Hoshino-kun?"

In the end, I was the one who took the initiative to speak.

"I'm sorry... teacher."

He uttered those words as if he were embarrassed. Why apologize? Did Hoshino-kun take all the blame upon himself? No, please don't think like that. The teacher will feel guilty and cause Hoshino-kun pain, which is not the result I want.

I absolutely will not allow that to happen.

I parted my lips slightly, trying to say something.

However, I could never bring myself to tell Hoshino what I truly wanted to say.

Because there was still time and things hadn't reached the point of no return, my instinct was to run away.

As I strolled along the railway tracks with Hoshino, though our bodies were less than a meter apart, the distance between our hearts felt infinite.

I could clearly feel the barrier between us.

I can't change any of this.

All I can do is silently watch, like an observer, as the situations I least want to face unfold.

I am a coward; I have already done my best just to gaze at your dazzling presence.

"I didn't expect there to be vending machines here..."

I don't know how long we walked forward.

Hearing what Hoshino-san said, I stopped. My body, which hadn't had enough water for a long time, was feeling thirsty. After putting some yen in my pocket, I bought a coffee and also bought Hoshino-san's can.

With nowhere else to sit, Hoshino and I sat on a wooden bench like students waiting for a train.

Hearing the "click" of a soda can being opened, I instinctively looked at Hoshino, who was drinking coffee.

Dark liquid slid down the corner of his mouth, and in the dim moonlight, I could vaguely see a few inconspicuous drops of liquid gathered on Hoshino's collarbone.

The next second or so, he casually wiped the corner of his mouth, the liquid sloshing and rolling onto the ground. Sensing that his gaze was about to fall on me, I guiltily sipped my coffee. I had a lot of things I wanted to say to him, but in the end, I still couldn't bring myself to say them.

In the end, all they talked about was the countryside.

What's this... I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

After we finished our coffee, we fell into a long silence once again.

Looking at Hoshino's increasingly blurry profile, all the emotions I felt because of him surged up uncontrollably. My feelings for him, the words I had tried to say to him—I had hoped countless times that I could do it, but in the end, all I felt was disappointment.

Ugh, that's enough.

I'm fed up with this hypocritical version of myself, fed up with my lack of honesty.

I simply closed my eyes and surrendered my body to my instincts.

Let's just do it that way.

I can still remember a question that my teacher mentioned in class about ten years ago.

Do you think the happiest moment of your life has arrived?

At that time, I would fall into thought, contemplating the possibilities of my future and whether, in the more than ten years of my life so far, there had truly been a moment when such conditions could be met.

If it were me back then, I would probably have hesitated.

However, if it were now, I would not hesitate to give a satisfactory answer.

I closed my eyes and felt the sensation of my tears falling.

All I can do now is sincerely wish Hoshino well.

Hoshino-kun.

Only you are different.

You absolutely cannot stop here.